I slept

Someone once told me that God works when we are sleeping
that dreams are God's way of dealing out our fates
Job, Daniel, Solomon, etc.
I realized today that I haven't slept in a very long time
And by "very long time" I mean years upon years.
I grew so tired that I deemed this new sorry state to be normal
or just what it feels like to get older and more jaded
But now I know that I am just tired.

Three years ago I was given a dream
wherein a demon was sent to roam about me
a la Job
a dream that would torment me for a long time
and would fulfill these words of Scripture:

"I applied my heart to inquiring and exploring by wisdom concerning all that is done under the heavens:it is an experience of evil Elohim has given to the sons of humanity to humble them by it." Ecclesiastes 1:13

"Yahweh said to Satan, From where are you coming? Then Satan answered Yahweh and said, From going to and fro in the earth and from walking about in it." Job 1:17

Someday I will know and appreciate "only in looking back"
the evil experience God has given me
and to someday learn how to rejoice in the Truth that
God really does work ALL things according to His own will.
To know that God gives us these tormenting experiences out of love.

I have wondered these three years when God would release me
from this prison
and, perhaps, there are still more years to come....
I don't know....
but today
the rain's been pouring
for the first time in a long time
and I felt that I could maybe
begin to move on
and walk away
I was lying in bed thinking,
"If I could put my body through some kind of a meat-grinder or LaLane Juicer and rid myself of this demon I WOULD."
But that choice is not given me.
No level of want can create any change.

I think life must be a series of these.
Periods of waiting and waiting
and waiting.